Archive for real world

My First Marathon

Posted in Fun, Spotlight with tags , , , on 23 February 2017 by Megan

In my last two posts, I told you all about how Star Wars and I met. Yesterday was twenty years since Return of the Jedi blew my mind and became my favorite movie of all time. Today is twenty years since I first watched the original trilogy in a marathon.

Star Wars Marathons are a sacred tradition that, I’m sure, go all the way back to 1983, though I wasn’t around and can’t personally vouch for that. Three movies though they may be, they are simply parts of a whole, and to do the story justice, they must be watched one after the other.

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My first marathon was mismatched and a matter of sheer pragmatism: we only owned A New Hope and V and VI were due to return to the video store the next day. It was a Sunday, and back then a marathon only took about six hours. I had no idea when I would ever get to see E5 or E6 again, so I can tell you I was rapt for the whole thing.

That evening, my diary was bursting with six Star Wars-packed entries in a row; determined not to take up more than one page per entry (for some reason), I turned to the second string — the Lisa Frank diary from the year before that had exactly one empty page left. So February 23 has two separate entries about Star Wars . . . and a rather embarrassingly bad crayon drawing of “Good vs. Evil.”

February 23 also marks the date I heard my first prequel rumor: sure, Star Wars fans had been bandying the idea of a new trilogy for years, but two weeks before, I’d never even heard of Star Wars at all! “Mom said that Corey said that they are coming out with episode I (one) II (two) and III (three) When they were kids!!!”

There’s a tremendous irony to the fact that even though February of 1997 is crammed with diary entries featuring the words “Star Wars,” the same diary goes absolutely silent until October on the subject. I watched A New Hope four times in two weeks (and E5 + E6 twice in two days), had to write sideways in the margins of my diary to cover all my thoughts about it, and yet for all intents and purposes, utterly forgot the movie existed for the next six months.

It’s interesting that just as I had to have Return of the Jedi to really care about the trilogy, I didn’t really care about Star Wars until . . . the Expanded Universe.

And I guess you’ll just have to wait until December for that story. But don’t worry, I’ll post again in October to tell you all about the next big event in my Star Wars life ;)

Twenty Years, Part 2

Posted in Fun, Spotlight with tags , , , , , on 22 February 2017 by Megan

It’s amazing what things stick with you and how clearly they stick. As I said in the last post, I remember with absolute clarity the first time I saw Star Wars: A New Hope. I even remember when I saw E4 for the second time and, with similar exact clarity, when I saw The Phantom Menace in the theater two years later. Ditto Revenge of the Sith. Yet for all that, I don’t remember the first time I saw Empire Strikes Back or Return of the Jedi, even though E6 is my favorite and the most important of the six.

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The first Star Wars I ever saw!

As I said last time, the first time I ever saw E4 was February 12, 1997. We watched it again the next day — 10 AM on a Thursday, my older sister grabbed me and said, “Hey, see if Mom will let us watch that movie from last night again.” A third, but partial, rewatch occurred again on February 18th, so already there was something major and significant about this movie.

Then, nine days after I saw A New Hope for the first time, Mom rented The Empire Strikes Back. I must have been after her to see it; I’d been watching anniversary interviews with the cast on Rosie and Oprah, not knowing who Billy Dee Williams was as he described angry kids yelling at him for betraying Han Solo. Han Solo got betrayed?! Was he killed?! I had to see this movie! Kroger — which did video rentals back then, if you can believe it — didn’t have any, so I remember Dad pulling a few doors down to the West Coast Video where Mom ran inside. It was raining. Can you believe I remember rain from 20 years ago? Yet I don’t remember the actual moment we sat down to watch the movie.

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I didn’t have much to say about it in my diary that night, either. The most significant thing was “It was almost 70 degrees!!!!” followed by how much I hated doing English (ironic given that I later majored in English…)

Then the bombshell. Then Return of the Jedi.

1983 ROTJ Poster

It was partly a bombshell because of how clever my mom is. She went into the video store alone because it was raining and we had groceries in the car. She let me hold the E5 VHS on the way home and put it on top of the TV for viewing. I absolutely took for granted that it would be at least one week before we could get E6. (“Town” was 18 miles away and going in for groceries was a weekly thing.) So I was pretty nonchalant about the cliffhanger ending.

The next day was February 22, a Saturday, and I was replaying The Island of Doctor Brain on our Windows 3.0 Compaq in Dad’s office.

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Even though that picture was taken in 2003, Dad’s office pretty much never changed the entire 16 years they lived there. Same computer! So the point is that’s where I was sitting sometime after lunch when I got to this screen:

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I’d played the game before, so I knew where all the Easter eggs were — the best thing about Sierra computer games was that you could right-click for jokes. And I called for Mom, always my first response upon a new discovery, and said, “LOOK! I never got that before!!” Right-clicking on the hut at the top left of the screen produced a box of text reading Don’t mess with Jabba the Hut.

We laughed and then Mom got a mischievous glint in her eye. “You want to see what he looks like?” she asked. I was like, Huh? and followed her out of the office, which was right next to their room, and she opened their closet and pulled out the opaque rental case for Return of the Jedi. My mind was absolutely blown that she’d rented both at once and kept it a secret.

So late in the afternoon, before dinner, I tore around the house rounding up Dad and my sister and we started to watch Return of the Jedi as the sun was going down. Huh, guess I remember more than I thought about the moment I first saw E6!

My diary couldn’t even handle all the information I had to unload:

Dear Pal,

We saw return of the Jedi. Lai is Luke’s sister! And Darth Vader is Luke’s father. But the Emperor was killed and Darth became good, only he was killed.

Love Megan

I like Luke, Leia, C3Po R2D2 Ham Solo best.

The clearest thing I remember is that when it was over, I passed by the front door to go upstairs and I stopped to watch the moon rising through the cut glass windows. It was nearly full, huge, and felt closer than ever. No movie had ever made me feel that way before. I loved stories, I loved reading and telling stories, but not even any of them had ever made me feel like that.

I wrote that Han Solo was my favorite, but even then, even before I bothered to notice Luke, he was the reason my imagination caught fire — the hero whose journey was the reason Star Wars changed my life.

Star Warsiversary

Posted in Questions with tags , , , , on 12 February 2017 by Megan

Let’s talk about what I was doing around this time twenty years ago exactly. It was a Wednesday. We’d moved from Columbus to Champaign County only about six months before, the house wasn’t even painted inside, and I was only just embarking on a decade of epic sulking about being removed from the house I was born in. I was eleven, loud and always in a hurry, emotional and easily frustrated, passionate about reading and spending every possible hour out in the woods.

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We were never a very TV-oriented family. Didn’t even have a set until I was three and that was just because Grandma got a new one. However, shortly after settling in Champaign County, we got a television four times bigger than the old one, and we started getting a pizza once a week and watching a movie over dinner. Being a homeschooling family with a full-time mom and a dad working from home, we defied traditional “weekends,” and Wednesday was pizza/movie night by virtue of being the day we went to the store. Unbeknownst to me, Mom had picked up a movie that afternoon that would change my life.

We gathered round the TV, I was sitting in my usual spot on the Mission oak couch with my legs drawn up so I could balance my plate on my knees — pepperoni pizza — and I could look out the sliding glass door to the screened in porch and the yard beyond. February 12 was a cold snowy day and there were the remains of several miniature snowmen I’d made and painted that afternoon.

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“Today I played in the snow. Made 5 snowmen (small ones) and made snow paint. Mom bought STAR WARS. We still have to get the other two in the trilogy. Played computer.”

I remember a lot of things very clearly about that first-ever viewing. Hearing the first lines and almost forgetting about my pizza. Being amazed that the first characters were so unapologetically robots. I thought the Stormtroopers were robots themselves. Actually I thought Vader was one, too. It was like a nothing but robots celebration! Like so many others seeing Star Wars for the first time, I was awed because it was like nothing I’d ever seen before. At 11, I’d seen very few movies at all, mostly animated or time-honored musicals like The King and I and Sound of Music. Definitely nothing like this 1970s scifi flick. I misheard half of what was going on (“Jedi knife” and “cologne wars,” for example) and thought Han and Chewie were the most interesting things in the whole film. I was impressed that the heroine looked exactly like me if I didn’t have bangs, though — I was going through a fit of being sick of every girl being a freakin’ blonde.

There’s a curious contradiction in the first time I saw Star Wars. On one hand, I was clearly struck by it enough that I recorded it in all caps and underlined in my diary. On the other hand, it was as much a footnote as the forgettable snow paint. I don’t remember being any more enthused about it than any other movie during pizza night (which included The Great Panda Adventure, a film about which I remember nothing except the kid said “American Gladiators” a lot . . . and there were pandas), but I must have expressed some extreme interest in it because in the two weeks between A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, I watched every interview on TV that even remotely referenced Star Wars. I believe I’m the only person on the planet who saw the carbon-freezing scene for the first time on Oprah (or Rosie? I could never tell those two shows apart) during an interview with Billy Dee Williams before I even knew the name of the second film.

Yes, Return of the Jedi is the film that made my obsession bloom, but A New Hope gave me something. Over the years, it’s traded orbits with Attack of the Clones for being my least favorite of the six, but it is an amazing movie and it planted the seed of a love and passion that has been part of me for twenty years. Twenty years, beginning with stories scribbled in atrocious handwriting, making my own paper dolls because I wasn’t allowed to buy action figures, reading the books at the speed of light so I could get more; twenty years of anticipating new releases, of rewatching a film more than anyone could think possible, of buying books and toys and games. Twenty years of loving a film franchise as I’ve loved nothing else and as no one else has ever loved it.

Happy anniversary, Star Wars. Here’s to the next twenty years!

The Charlie Rose Interview, a year later

Posted in Spotlight with tags , on 18 January 2017 by Megan

Give or take a couple of weeks. Charlie Rose, a person I have never heard of before, interviewed George Lucas, a person who needs no introduction, in December 2015.

This interview is a huge inconvenience to Disney|Lucasfilm and the monster that is New Star Wars, so as the patrons and defenders of trEU Star Wars, we must never let this interview disappear or become obscure. There are so many great lines in this interview that as I listened to it, I kept thinking of so many things I wanted to touch on, so I’ve decided to do a post about it.

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This is the one I want to start with — George Lucas, the human.

ROSE: Because you have worn all these hats, though — filmmaker, director, storyteller, writer, technological innovator — what do you want the first line of your obituary to say?

LUCAS: I was a great dad. (Long pause.) Or I tried. (Heh.)

And in that pause, he looks like he might cry. Rose seems kind of frustrated and repeats, “But do you consider yourself any of those things first? Writer, director?” And Lucas persists, “Dad.” And there’s something so deeply human in this that I had to stop and write a few words on it.

We all have some vision in our minds of who or what George Lucas is. Star Wars connects with each one of us so deeply that it feels like it’s our own. It feels so deeply our own that we can get irritated with him for not executing our vision of what it should be — but the fact is, while he made the OT for himself, he made the PT for his kids. He tells Rose he quit directing to be a dad. George Lucas is just a human being who made some incredible movies, and he is just a human being who wants to be the best father he can.

This is why, however you feel about him, he deserves our thanks and our respect, and why I am increasingly glad I’ve organized Thanksgeorging Day to try and give him something back for everything he gave us.

Lucas’ humanity also struck me in a surprising way when he explained his motivation for selling the company was concern for his employees; he emphasized that the films he’s interested in making now cannot make money and eventually would run the company into the ground.

Around the half hour mark is when he starts talking about how Star Wars is more than “just a silly kiddie movie” and how people keep failing because they make movies about spaceships and it’s “more than just spaceships.” Around the half hour mark is also when I began wanting to hit Rose in the head with a crowbar for sheer annoyingness. He was the most tedious and frustrating part of listening to this whole thing. I know interviewers tend to do this, but it seriously infuriates me how he kept interrupting Lucas to tell him to keep talking. Dude, you want someone to keep talking, you keep your mouth shut.

Anyway, where was I? Oh!

You’re telling a story using tools. You’re not using tools to tell a story.

In Yoda’s terms — that is why you (Disney) fail. Lucas’ observation is spot on that the American film industry is so constricted, so regulated, that it cannot tolerate innovation or creativity. He controlled his emotions pretty well, but it was clear how much disdain he felt that he sold this franchise and all they did was a glitzy re-cast of the film he made 38 years earlier. Movies are growing increasingly worse, with shallow, confusing plots and bad acting coupled with incredible special effects. Because the industry 1) will only sell what has already sold, and 2) puts the tools first.

This is the interview in which Lucas famously described Disney as “white slavers” — he takes full responsibility for selling, but at the same time grimly observes that the six films are his children and he gave them up to white slavers. The metaphor is clear, grim, and doesn’t break down. What are “white slavers”? In the modern context of Lucas’ interview, and especially coupled with the description of the Star Wars saga as his children, it means sex slavery — forced prostitution, especially of minors. It is undeniable that Disney lured Lucas’ brainchild away from him and is whoring it out for money.

That is why I call Disney and Disney’s treatment of Star Wars immoral.

That is why I will never stop resisting and fighting them.

They turned my best friend into an enslaved child prostitute.

This interview came out during the hype of “The Force Awakens” (many sarcastic air quotes), when Disney was frantically pumping that Lucas loved the movie and loved what they’d done — and this interview has been a huge wrench in their works. They tried to suppress it. We must never forget and or forgive while the injustice continues.

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A few random quotations from the interview that I enjoyed although don’t have any particular comment to make on them:

On art

If you want to say, I want to convey an emotion to another human being — that’s something only human beings can do.

On awards

I’m not much in to awards. It doesn’t mean that much to me because I’ve gone through this. … You’re there to draw eyeballs. … I know it’s about the TV show; it’s not about me.

On Hollywood industry

You’re forced to make a particular kind of movie … I know a lot of Russian filmmakers and they have a lot more freedom than I have. All they have to do is be careful about criticizing the government. Otherwise, they can do whatever they want. You have to adhere to a very narrow line of commercialism.

On politics

[In politics] they are doomed to repeat themselves every few years because they do not listen to history.

Review: Fanboys

Posted in Reviews, Spotlight with tags , on 7 January 2017 by Megan

All right, so this is not a canonical entry. But it’s the seventh greatest movie ever made. I watched it yesterday and was so hit between the eyes at how excellent a film it is that I wanted to review it for you today.

First of all, Fanboys is a movie that could never be made today. All the 1998-authentic fanboy language could get you arrested in the ironically-named “free world” today, but far more striking, imagine supreme hateboys Harry Knowles and Kevin Smith doing appearances in a film that welcomes and praises Lucas’ films for what they are? Geddouddatown. Even beyond that, a group of fanboys like the ones who created the film would no longer be interested in making a heartwarming tale about how Star Wars unites us, binds us in a commonality of love for one man’s genius adaptation of a mythological staple. In the 2010s, “fanboys” are more interested in division and discord than they are about the things we have in common. In a post-2014 version of Fanboys, the protagonists wouldn’t be assaulting Star Trek fans for their differences. They’d be attacking other Star Wars fans who have the gall to love the prequels or call the EU “canon.”

My point is, the world was so much better back before 2010. But I digress. Let’s review the awesome movie, eh?

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I first learned about this movie back in ’06 or ’07; it was a preview before a horror movie (maybe Pulse?) oddly enough, and I was instantly hysterically looking forward to it. A movie about Star Wars fans? A movie about Star Wars fans so excited about Episode I that they go to steal a print? SIGN ME UP. (Remember that before 2011, fanatical prequel hatred didn’t exist or was so rare as to be unheard of.) But the film’s release was delayed and I forgot about it on and off until 2009 when I was finally able to score a copy. I watched it with a best friend as we were on a road trip from seeing another best friend in Maryland. We were staying in a place called . . . well, I forget what it was called, but here’s the last ever picture of me as a person who had not ever torn a toenail off, and the bag that I tore the toenail off with about 12 hours after this picture was taken.

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Also, this is where I was and what I looked like when we watched Fanboys for the first time. I have a weird memory. Okay, so I first saw Fanboys in 2009 right before ripping off my big toenail and experiencing the 2nd worst pain of my life, so that’s fun trivia. The point is that in 2009, I had never encountered any prequel hate despite being a big time fanboy who spent lots of time online with other fanboys. The concept of prequel hate was so foreign to me that I thought the last line of the movie was a joke, and I still inevitably take it as a joke (“What if the film sucks?”)

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It’s Halloween 1998. Windows, Hutch, Linus, and Zoe have been friends since they were kids, and they all love Star Wars — even if Zoe is a stereotype girl who scoffs at their passion; that myth is a little frustrating in its perpetuation — so much so that they reminisce about their childhood plot to drive to Skywalker Ranch and watch Episode I before it comes to theaters. Enter Eric Bottler: he used to be the gang’s fourth, but after graduating high school, he spent three years not talking to any of them except for, apparently, Zoe. After Hutch and Windows see the hostility between Eric and Linus, they take it upon themselves to meet with Eric the next day and tell him something incredibly important — Linus has terminal cancer and has less than six months to live.

This is where Star Wars fans understand each other in a way no one else does. The blow that Linus probably won’t live to see Episode I is as strong on its own as the blow that he is going to die and that Eric has spent the last three years alienated from the man who used to be his best friend. In a desperate attempt to redeem that time, Eric convinces them all to join him on a cross-country road trip to steal the Episode I film like rebel agents obtaining the Death Star plans.

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Ebert, who so rightly hit the nail on the head with his review of Episode I, really missed the point of Fanboys and said it was weak for taking itself too seriously. But that’s just the point. Fanboys take themselves seriously because no one else does. And this is a serious film. As Eric struggles to reconnect with lost friends, and his own lost self, Linus struggles to come to grips with his impending mortality. Windows struggles to make his relationship with females work, and Hutch struggles to make something real of himself. With the backdrop of Linus’ illness (almost tragically cut from the final version), Fanboys is no more a geeky comedy than A New Hope is a Kurosawa film with lasers. There’s something more to it. It follows Lucas’ lead, incorporating the patterns of mythology and elevating its subject matter in a way you’d never expect. It’s a film that can make you laugh as well as cry while celebrating something we all had in common when it came out, before the dark times, before the Disneypire.

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So, yes, Fanboys is both hysterically funny and deeply moving. There are parts of this movie that I’ve wrapped up and stored in my memory to help when things get hard. As I struggled through a year full of unemployment, almost literal homelessness, and a tragic death in the family, I could turn to this film and be reassured that no, it’s not trivial to love Star Wars. Star Wars is not trivial. There’s more to it.

In closing, I’d like to give you my two favorite lessons Fanboys takes from Star Wars. First, regrets can shape you but they shouldn’t define you. Everyone has mistakes, but don’t wish you could undo them. “You’ve got to keep the flaws. Crappy effects, real puppets. That’s what makes it so good, you know?” Linus explains in his last scene. Sometimes I feel like I wear regret like a cloak, and I almost burst into tears hearing that last night as I rewatched it.

Second, “You just gotta find your Death Star. The greatest thing Luke Skywalker ever did was take down that Death Star. You just gotta find that one great thing you can do that makes you live forever.” That’s what Hutch tells Eric as the latter struggles with an ocean of indecision about what to do with himself. Everyone, every life has a “Death Star,” one great thing; you just have to find yours. It’s out there and you will have it one day. That’s a guarantee.

Zahn Plot First

Posted in Opinion with tags , , , , on 10 June 2016 by Megan

EU fans and realcanon warriors have been disappointed and upset by remarks made at Awesomecon last weekend by Timothy Zahn. (Daily Dot interview here.)

First of all, Timothy Zahn did miss the point. I have to tell you, the way he’s behaving is exactly how pretty much all Star Wars fans would be behaving if the reboot had not demanded the decanonization of all prior Star Wars. As I addressed in last week’s open letter to Lucasfilm: reboots are common and they don’t make people mad. They don’t make people mad because they don’t threaten what people love or have invested in.

Understand this, there would be no problem whatsoever about Thrawn appearing in Rebels (for example) if Lucasfilm had not gone out of its way to declare Heir to the Empire non-canon. Declaring the EU non-canon and then cherry-picking “cool stuff” from it is as if you took your car in for an oil change, the mechanic told you the vehicle was totaled, and then you saw him cutting parts out of it to repair other vehicles. If that scenario would infuriate you, understand that’s why we’re infuriated about the EU.

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Zahn, like so many other fans, simply doesn’t seem to understand that Disney canon didn’t merely restart the timeline the way Star Trek (2009) did. It seems that, like so many fans, he thinks it’s only been bypassed. Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins kept Scarecrow and Batman’s parents being murdered without declaring every pre-2005 incarnation of Batman “never canon,” so it makes sense to people that Disney would restart Star Wars without having any ruling on prior material. But that’s simply not what happened. That is what we’re angry about, Mr. Zahn — we’re not angry that they might use Thrawn in Rebels; we’re angry that they said “Thrawn never counted in the first place (but let’s just rip him off for spare parts…).”

I hope you can see the difference.

Secondly, even if he does understand the level of total decanonization that took place, he’s not upset. And he doesn’t want fans to be upset. “Lucasfilm owns it,” he kept repeating. “They have total control.” And while this is something he’s been saying since the 90s — “We’re playing in George Lucas’ driveway; we can’t be mad when he backs over our toys” — how can he be so zen? So resigned?

Could it possibly be because Star Wars already executed the biggest betrayal on him they possibly could? When the EU killed off Mara Jade in Legacy of the Force’s incessant quest to murder every classic character they could think of, do you think that could possibly have caused him to stop caring what they do? “They own it, they have total control,” he could have muttered ceaselessly to himself after finding out — after publication. They didn’t even have the common decency to tell him before the book came out. Authorial collaboration seemed to go the way of the dodo after NJO.  Nobody even thought to ask him, “hey, would your character do this?”

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When I talked with him at a con last year, he brought up her murder himself. His politically gracious attitude really seemed to waver at that point, after half an hour of wishing fans well at The Force Awakens, thanking and acknowledging them for comments like, “That should’ve been about Thrawn!” When the conversation got to Mara Jade, it seemed to me that he was struggling with a lot of anger. They killed her. They didn’t even tell him.

And maybe in killing her, they killed his ability to care about what happens to Star Wars in the future.

And maybe, just maybe, if all those trashy books that killed her are decanonized, maybe Disney can fix it and bring her back.

I’m not defending Disney. I’m not attacking you, if you’re some giant FotJ fan. I’m just saying, what if? What if he doesn’t care about the worst they can do, because Lucasfilm before Disney already did the worst it could to him?

Don’t blame him for not being upset about something that upsets you. He doesn’t have to be.

Understand this. The authors and actors do not have to be on our side. That does not determine the legitimacy of our position. We are fans. Fanatics. By definition, we care way too much about stuff. It’s not external; it’s never been external. It’s internal. It comes from within us.

Please understand that the real reason we are angry is that Disney said “none of it ever mattered.” Zahn says they aren’t going to come into our homes and take our books; no one believes that. No one is afraid of that. What we are upset by is that by saying the EU doesn’t count, never counted, Disney/Lucasfilm is telling us that we don’t count and never counted. It’s personal.

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So I want you to learn two things from this post. One, that we are upset about the EU being declared “not canon,” not about its being set aside for new material. And two, that there is some stuff Zahn said that we need to take to heart.

Calm down, relax. I appreciate your loyalty and your passion. But really, relax. It’s OK. It’ll be OK.

With as upset as everyone has been over this interview, those are some words we need to take to heart. It will be okay. Because Star Wars is never going to change. Star Wars canon is never going to change. No matter what Disney/Lucasfilm ever does or does not do, they cannot alter the heart of what Star Wars is. If you never hold Sword of the Jedi in your hand, the trEU will still exist as the only realcanon, ever.

Yes, we want Disney/Lucasfilm to grant the EU the legitimacy it deserves. Yes, it would be super smart for them to start selling new material set in “Legendsverse” as well as “Disneyverse.” But the bottom line is that Star Wars is not determined by external influence. I’m angry that Disney lies and calls their stuff “Star Wars” when it isn’t, but as long as we have the truth, we are more powerful than they are. So take his words in the spirit with which they were offered, and not the spirit with which trolls want to needle you with them.

Accept that Timothy Zahn and George Lucas are the two who gave us Star Wars, and that Star Wars 1976-2014 can never change, no matter what some random rodent emperor does.

And above all, never stop telling the rodent emperor the truth about what Star Wars is to us. Because if they never change their minds, never do what we want, at least we will always be able to say we never stopped asking.

Let Them Eat Canon,

Posted in Announcements, Opinion, Spotlight with tags , , on 3 June 2016 by Megan

or,What Do Those Billboard People Want, Anyway?
An open letter to Lucasfilm in response to the letter they’ve been replying to #GiveUsLegends correspondence.

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In pretty much every article that ever popped up describing the billboard and the fantastic dedication of fan love it represents, the authors were baffled about what “Give Us Legends” is about. You’d think it’d be straightforward. I mean, there’s even a press release on the site! But it’s not just the media — Lucasfilm itself has zero comprehension of what we’re asking for. Check out this letter received by some of our realcanon warriors:

And now, allow me to respond.

Dear Lucasfilm,

Thank you for sending letters back to the dedicated fans who spend time and postage on writing to you begging for the lives of Star Wars characters we all love. It’s amazing and exciting to be acknowledged.

Unfortunately, you have no idea what you’re acknowledging. This communications breakdown between us is why I think this schism in the fanbase is continuing to grow and hurting everyone involved.

You’ve probably heard this famous story. A naive French aristocrat was told, “The peasants have no bread to eat!” This young woman, completely unable to understand the reality of peasant life, merrily replied, “Then let them eat cake!”

No, it probably wasn’t Marie Antoinette who said that, but I’m not here to clear up historical misapprehensions — I’m here to clear up your misapprehension, Lucasfilm. Because I think this conversation has taken place in your offices a time or two since 2014.

Ever since you Order 66’d the Universe, announcing that more than 90% of Star Wars’ unprecedented and record-breaking canon was no longer canon due to your new movies coming out, you have been trying to throw us the bone that “some stuff is going to get integrated.”

For two years, you’ve seemed baffled that we aren’t responding to that with the unbridled enthusiasm you expected. You apparently refuse to ask why we don’t like that, because you keep throwing it in our face over and over again. “We’re going to recycle it. It’s not going away. We’re going to take cool stuff and integrate it. Why aren’t you excited? What is wrong with you?”

Did you ever stop to think that maybe we aren’t excited about you poaching the trEU (that’s True Expanded Universe) because we’re angry about what you did to it in the first place?

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“Recycling”

Fans say “Give us legends,” “We want legends,” “Bring back legends,” but it’s clear that you don’t understand what they’re saying. I’ll be honest: I don’t think they really understand what they’re saying, either.

Because continuation is a side issue. It’s not the main thing. Cutting off the story isn’t where you goofed, Lucasfilm.

Declaring it non-canon is where you goofed.

Take a look at every other reboot and remake in history. You — I mean, your master Disney has done remakes before and not gotten this response. Why? What’s the difference?

The difference is, when Christopher Nolan made Batman Begins, he didn’t issue a press release before the premier saying, “This is super exciting. NONE of the Batman stuff you knew and loved is canon anymore, but I’ve integrated all the best stuff into my new movie, which isn’t a reboot even though it’s meant to replace everything that came before. Actually, none of the Batman stuff that came out until now was canon anyway. Enjoy!”

When Star Trek (2009) hit theaters, it included a bit of timey-wimey whitewash to very graphically emphasize that it took place in an alternate timeline, but Paramount didn’t feel the need to tell all the world’s Trekkers that all prior Star Trek canon was rendered moot and had never, actually, been canon in the first place.

Are you seeing the difference? You’re denying our universe the legitimacy it is owed.

Understand this. If you had said “No, the new movies aren’t going to follow the EU,” no one would have been surprised (Abrams set that precedent with Trek 09), but more importantly, no one would have fought you. People would’ve seen the movie out of curiosity. Pretty much nobody would’ve bothered picketing it because it wouldn’t have been a threat.

Your “nucanon” is a threat to us, Lucasfilm. It’s a threat because you’re taking away the legitimacy of a canon that made your current life possible, replacing it, and treating us like we’re idiots for not loving the decision.

This is bad. It’s bad customer service. It’s bad franchise/fandom relation. Do you see why we’re so insulted when you say that you’re going to cherry-pick the stuff you like and “bring it back”? It’s because you threw it in the trash, said it never counted, and then you’re basically plagiarizing it.

It’s as if the Empire blew up Alderaan, told the people of Alderaan it was for their own good, and then started processing what was left of the planet into cheap furniture to sell back to them.

That’s why continuation is important but it’s not the heart of the issue. The heart of the issue is that you’re lying to us all. Fix it. Make it right, Lucasfilm. It’s not too late!

All you need to do is say, “Yes, Star Wars 1976-2014 is canon, but it’s a separate timeline from the canon of 2015 and after.” People won’t be confused, I promise. Nobody watches Star Trek Into Darkness and is baffled about how it fits with Deep Space 9.

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We get it!

We’re smart. We’re geeks; it’s our defining characteristic. We can figure it out. And then instead of fans spending time and money trying to get your attention to right this wrong, those fans might start dedicating time and attention to checking out your alternate timeline.

Now, I said continuation is important. It is important. A lot of fans feel that continuation is the heart of the issue, which is why there’s all this confusion. But hear me out. Understand that granting us LEGITIMATE CANON STATUS is what you need to do to fix this, but that continuing the storyline is a great idea because it will completely double your profits.

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Do you know how many fans are saying they would try Lords of the Sith if they only had Sword of the Jedi, too? Do you care? You should. You think it’s more trouble than it’s worth monitoring two timelines? I promise, the EU has been self-policing for decades. Give Leland Chee his job back, fire up the holocron, and for pete’s sake give them their Sword of the Jedi.

I can guarantee you that your profits will soar, and that fans, set at ease that the canon they invested in before is solid and available, will be willing and maybe even eager to explore alternate universe options. Star Wars Infinities were always popular. I promise, after all these decades of X-Men, geeks know how to process and keep alternate universes separate.

Think about it.

Sincerely yours,
Rebel till I die,

The Star Wars Realcanon RebeLibrarian.