Least Favorite Male Character

Yeah, um, I’m going to punch you.

Let’s get this over with. I cannot abide Mace Windu. I can’t stand anything about this person, from how he got into the movie to George Lucas’ falling all over himself to make Samuel L. Jackson happy in the role. I hate his overdone self-righteousness and the fact that the movies overwhelmingly inform me of his apparent coolness without ever giving me a whit of evidence for it.

I have nothing in particular against Jackson in real life, although I think Jurassic Park was his best role because frankly, like every other movie he’s in is boring and stupid. But when I read that he asked Lucas to put him in the movie and Lucas said yes, well, I put my foot down. This is sick, I said, and it’s stupid. He asked to be put in Star Wars, and he was. Excuse me. And then, not only did Lucas not just make him an extra chilling in the Senate or something, which Jackson claimed he’d be happy to do, no, Lucas invents a second “greatest Jedi ever” so Jackson can sit next to Yoda and the two of them can pal it up playing the most obnoxious tag team to ever grace the silver screen or any screen. “Oh, so it’s a Council now? It’s not just the two of you?! What about you, Dogface, did you know that now it was a council??” Jackson requests a bit part and Lucas puts him in all. three. films.

Not only does he put him in all three films, but he practically pees himself to give Jackson everything he wants along the way. Jackson wants a purple lightsaber. Even though Lucas made it abundantly clear to the disappointment of fanboys everywhere that blades only come in red, green, or blue, depending on whether natural or synthetic crystals are used, he makes an exception. He gives the man a purple lightsaber. (Why not just show him munching on a watermelon, too, while you’re at it?) Jackson personally requests a great death scene, so Lucas (allegedly) writes it for him. (Frankly that is one of the worst death scenes, but what angers me so much is how Lucas could only make the other two — apparently two of the greatest Jedi swordsmen — keel over instantly so that all focus is on Jackson for the duration of the little stupid fight.)

All of this infuriates me. According to the Wookieepedia, “Samuel L. Jackson is bald in real life, though when starring in films he favors odd wigs. He did not assume a wig while acting in the films, adding even more to the originality of his character. Windu is the only shaved Human Jedi, the only Jedi in the films to carry a violet lightsaber and possesses a darkly creative signature fighting style known as Vaapad. These facts have made Mace Windu one of the most popular and famous characters from the Star Wars prequels.” It’s false originality. It’s originality that advertises itself, and it sickens me.

Moving away from the underpinings, let’s look at the character himself. Mace Windu is a condescending pompous ass who frankly acts as little more than a bad advice machine: insert clunky dialogue to receive bad life advice. (Yeah, I said ass in my blog. He makes me mad. I could quote my friend, who outbursted of him the other day, “He’s at best a p***y, and at worst, he sucks!” Huh, I guess I just quoted her.) Mace Windu is, as a character, almost singlehandedly responsible for the state of the galaxy — because instead of letting Anakin come along and face his dark side temptations, he instead orders him to sit alone and brood. He also double-talks and backtracks on his own opinions, such as wholeheartedly endorsing Anakin as the Chosen One and then retracting this statement.

Yes, I’ve read the books. Just, everything about his character strikes me as trying way–too–hard to be cool. Somehow Jackson has a reputation as an instant badass, but I think he’s just an ass. Even the books seem to act like they don’t have to do any work to make him cool; somehow Jackson’s innate coolity will inundate our consciousness, I guess. Mace Windu is like way over-salted popcorn. I already don’t like popcorn, but I can handle it and even enjoy eating it under certain circumstances, but when it’s salted to the point that even a popcorn aficionado wouldn’t like it, you cannot expect me to get on board.


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